Today I ran my first fartlek in quite a while. It was a good run. More mentally tough than physically. I had way too many thoughts on my mind during this run and before my run even began. On my way to Mission Bay I started to revert back to my old self. When I first started running I was scared to run in new places. I was scared because I always felt like I didn’t belong; like I wasn’t a real runner and people knew it. Yes, today I was scared to run at this new place. But hey, this is the first time all year I have actually trained for a race because of an injury, so combine that with new running locations and it can be a bit scary. When I am training for a marathon it kinda takes over my life. And in the past 6 months there have been a lot of changes in my life. Marathon training + changes = emotions. More emotions than I care to have at times.
While I enjoyed my run today, I couldn’t help the feeling of sadness as I drove home. San Diego is still new to me. My life as an adult started in Sacramento. My love for running and training (for the past 4 years) has been in Sacramento. If feels so weird to be training in a new and unfamiliar city. I am looking forward to the day when I no longer feel like that. My biggest obstacle has always been myself. I overthink things, dwell on things and have a hard time moving on. I am constantly a work in progress.
As many runners know, running is so much more than the act of running. It brings out all of the emotions! You don’t realize how you associate running with a certain place or people, until you no longer have those places or people. Okay, that isn’t true. I still have them. They just aren’t with me at the moment. You know what is great about social media? Keeping in touch with friends and family. You know what sucks about social media? Seeing your friends and family back home enjoying everything you love about home. Admittedly, I am a little jealous when I see my friends running around the Capitol or along the American River. I am jealous of my running peeps racing all the Sacramento races that I love. I feel like I am missing out. Which is actually hilarious because I have all of San Diego to explore on my runs – something I am thankful for every day. I have so much exploring to do! Honestly, if I had the option to move back to Sacramento right now I wouldn’t take it. I feel like I am in San Diego for a reason (other than the bf’s promotion). I am learning to have my moments of sadness, accept it and let it pass – sure I can’t always control my emotions but I certainly don’t have to let my emotions control me. Can someone tell me when being homesick passes though?! Ugh. Talk about first world problems.
Above all, I always remember to be thankful for this gift of running. Thinking of that makes me happy.